okay. i've decided that for the next week i will eat nothing but 3 lil fruit cup thingies (70 cals apiece) and a can of tuna (100 calories) per day, and drink nothing but water. that'll put my intake per day at 310 calories, and if i can continue exercising... well, i should drop this weight i've gained pretty quickly. hopefully, anyway. as soon as i get some money, i'm going to buy a scale, too, and then start weekly weigh-ins. i'll probably buy the scale after i finish this week of 310 calories a day so that i'll feel like i'm 'starting off' a little better. you know what i mean?
anyway. so far today, i've had 2 fruit cups, and in a couple of hours (6pm) i'm going to have my can of tuna, and then around 8 i'll have my last fruit cup. i'm honestly excited about this. (: i love starting new diets!
Tuesday, July 31
Monday, July 30
today:
well, eating has been a bit better today. for breakfast i had a 100 calorie pastry crisp thingy from special k... these things are so freaking good! the chocolate ones are the best. i'm just glad i found a chocolate that tastes good for 100 cals. satisfying a craving without a lot of cals? yes please!
then i had a hot pocket for lunch (340 calories). i'm planning on eating a snack later (1 cup of grapes, 104 calories) and maybe a can of tuna later this evening as a supper/late snack (100 calories). that'll bring today's total to 644 calories, which isn't really ideal, but is MUCH better than i've been doing lately. i'm also planning on starting my new exercise program this evening, so i'll let you all know how that goes.
my refrigerator in this rv has been broken, so for the past couple of weeks i've had to live on a bunch of nonperishable junk... which i've kind of hated because i couldn't find anything semi-healthy (which, i know there's probably lots of options out there, i was just too lazy to find them--but no more!) but a couple of days ago, the new fridge i ordered came in, so once i get some food money, i'm going to fill it up with fruits, veggies, etc. best part? my fridge is PINK. i'm such a girl sometimes haha!
Sunday, July 29
girl on a mission
this past month has been so hectic! i moved out of my mother's house, halfway across the state into an rv on my grandparents' property. i've spent most of my time cleaning up, moving in, and arranging myself into my new living space. (:
i never thought i'd enjoy living alone, but in a way, it's kind of... i don't really know how to describe it. i do kind of enjoy it, though. it's just me and my chihuahua, and that's how i like it. i can lounge around in my underwear if i wanted to do so. :P
this isn't my first time out of my mom's house, though. i've been on my own off and on since i was 17. but always living with friends or a boyfriend, not on my own. like i said, it's a new experience, but i'm enjoying it so far.
eating has been shit, though. i'm 29 days clean from methamphetamine, and yes, i did expect some weight gain from that, but i weighed the pros and cons, and feel that being clean was more important than the weight gain at this point in my life. who knows? i may go back to it someday, but for now i'm happier without the chemicals. but yes, i have gained some weight (i don't currently own a scale, so i'm not certain how much exactly), but i'm planning a new exercise regimen and a new diet, so hopefully weight will go down soon.
i'm starting a class at the end of august to become a certified nurse's aid. i'm excited. after i finish that class, i'm planning on working as a cna to put myself through nursing school. the class is about 6 weeks long, and then nursing classes start next august. so i'll have about 10 months working and building up some money to put myself through school. i'm most excited about finally getting a good job and maybe moving out of this rv and into my own apartment. i just can't wait to finish nursing school and go back to east texas where my mom lives. she's my best friend, and i miss her so much i can barely stand it sometimes. but i'm surviving out here, and she told me today that she couldn't be more proud. (:
i never thought i'd enjoy living alone, but in a way, it's kind of... i don't really know how to describe it. i do kind of enjoy it, though. it's just me and my chihuahua, and that's how i like it. i can lounge around in my underwear if i wanted to do so. :P
this isn't my first time out of my mom's house, though. i've been on my own off and on since i was 17. but always living with friends or a boyfriend, not on my own. like i said, it's a new experience, but i'm enjoying it so far.
eating has been shit, though. i'm 29 days clean from methamphetamine, and yes, i did expect some weight gain from that, but i weighed the pros and cons, and feel that being clean was more important than the weight gain at this point in my life. who knows? i may go back to it someday, but for now i'm happier without the chemicals. but yes, i have gained some weight (i don't currently own a scale, so i'm not certain how much exactly), but i'm planning a new exercise regimen and a new diet, so hopefully weight will go down soon.
i'm starting a class at the end of august to become a certified nurse's aid. i'm excited. after i finish that class, i'm planning on working as a cna to put myself through nursing school. the class is about 6 weeks long, and then nursing classes start next august. so i'll have about 10 months working and building up some money to put myself through school. i'm most excited about finally getting a good job and maybe moving out of this rv and into my own apartment. i just can't wait to finish nursing school and go back to east texas where my mom lives. she's my best friend, and i miss her so much i can barely stand it sometimes. but i'm surviving out here, and she told me today that she couldn't be more proud. (:
Tuesday, June 26
how ironic...
this is sort of old news, and most everybody has probably heard it, but i just stumbled across it and thought it was interesting.
apparently a photographer took a series of (digitally manipulated) images of emaciated women as sort of a satirical commentary on pro-ana sites and thinspiration images. the ironic part of this is, these images are (naturally) very good thinspo. ;) whoops!
for all the images in the series, go to the photographer's website, click on 'thirty-two kilos'.
apparently a photographer took a series of (digitally manipulated) images of emaciated women as sort of a satirical commentary on pro-ana sites and thinspiration images. the ironic part of this is, these images are (naturally) very good thinspo. ;) whoops!
simply me
most people look right through me. i'm an average sort of girl--unremarkable in every way. i'm of average height (5'3.5"); average (in the majority of the world's opinion) weight (126-130 lbs); my hair and eyes are brown (such a boring color); my skin is not remarkably tan, nor remarkably pale (though i'm often teased that i could almost glow in the dark--ha!); average, (if not just 'plain') features. in short, there is nothing remarkable about me. i'm just there, and i'm just me.
i'm sort of quiet, living mostly in my own mind. it takes a little while for me to warm up to someone, to open up to them, and takes a bit of effort to get to know me. when anyone does take the time, though, i am quite outgoing, with a highly sarcastic, yet goofy sense of humor, caring to a fault, and a fiercely loyal friend. however, i don't tend to have many friends, as too many that i've let in that far have proved themselves to be unworthy of that title. i've been hurt by so-called friends so often that i can tend to be a bit cynical on the surface. yet deeper down, i still have faith and hope in everybody i meet, observing and testing them in different ways to see if they could be different than everybody else.
i'm a college student, currently majoring in psychology, considering adding a second major in early childhood education.
i have suffered from ednos (eating disorders not otherwise specified) since i was thirteen years old (i am eighteen now). i also have occasional panic attacks, though they're getting less and less frequent as time goes by. i am recovering from drug abuse and self-harm. i'm also a survivor of domestic abuse (at the hands of my ex-fiance).
the most influential person in my life, and the one i admire most is my dad, who passed away on september 14, 2011 after an eight-month battle with cancer. he was a highly intelligent man, who held numerous college degrees, most notably in education (he was a former high school english teacher) and theology (he was also an ordained minister). but what i loved most was that he was still just a down-home, down-to-earth sort of man. he knew no obstacles when it came to people. he had the charm, the charisma, and just the outright friendliness to communicate with anybody. he knew no strangers: he would strike up a conversation with anybody, whether it was the cashier at the grocery store, someone next to him in a line or waiting room--anybody he was around for more than a few minutes. he was a very generous, caring person--his favorite saying was "do the right thing, just because it's the right thing to do." it always lifts my heart to hear people say--both to me personally, or otherwise--that i am just like him, which becomes more and more true every day. i'll constantly catch myself doing or saying things that are just so him it's ridiculous. losing him has been the hardest thing i've ever had to face, and i still miss him more than words could ever say.
these are just a few of the many pieces to the puzzle that is me. welcome to my blog, i hope you enjoy it, and i hope you stick around a while. <3
i'm sort of quiet, living mostly in my own mind. it takes a little while for me to warm up to someone, to open up to them, and takes a bit of effort to get to know me. when anyone does take the time, though, i am quite outgoing, with a highly sarcastic, yet goofy sense of humor, caring to a fault, and a fiercely loyal friend. however, i don't tend to have many friends, as too many that i've let in that far have proved themselves to be unworthy of that title. i've been hurt by so-called friends so often that i can tend to be a bit cynical on the surface. yet deeper down, i still have faith and hope in everybody i meet, observing and testing them in different ways to see if they could be different than everybody else.
i'm a college student, currently majoring in psychology, considering adding a second major in early childhood education.
i have suffered from ednos (eating disorders not otherwise specified) since i was thirteen years old (i am eighteen now). i also have occasional panic attacks, though they're getting less and less frequent as time goes by. i am recovering from drug abuse and self-harm. i'm also a survivor of domestic abuse (at the hands of my ex-fiance).
the most influential person in my life, and the one i admire most is my dad, who passed away on september 14, 2011 after an eight-month battle with cancer. he was a highly intelligent man, who held numerous college degrees, most notably in education (he was a former high school english teacher) and theology (he was also an ordained minister). but what i loved most was that he was still just a down-home, down-to-earth sort of man. he knew no obstacles when it came to people. he had the charm, the charisma, and just the outright friendliness to communicate with anybody. he knew no strangers: he would strike up a conversation with anybody, whether it was the cashier at the grocery store, someone next to him in a line or waiting room--anybody he was around for more than a few minutes. he was a very generous, caring person--his favorite saying was "do the right thing, just because it's the right thing to do." it always lifts my heart to hear people say--both to me personally, or otherwise--that i am just like him, which becomes more and more true every day. i'll constantly catch myself doing or saying things that are just so him it's ridiculous. losing him has been the hardest thing i've ever had to face, and i still miss him more than words could ever say.
these are just a few of the many pieces to the puzzle that is me. welcome to my blog, i hope you enjoy it, and i hope you stick around a while. <3
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